Why Sex Before Marriage Is So Destructive for Guys

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*This is a PG-13 article. If you are a young teen, please consult your parents before reading.

Society has told men that having sex is simply a physiological need that they should treat as being no different than bathing. With the invention of birth control, we are told that there really are no negative consequences to having premarital sex. Today, I would like to take time to speak frankly with you guys about the potential consequences that premarital sex and pornography can have on their lives.

1. Men are extremely visual and will never forget the image of a woman’s body.

No matter how many years a guy might be married, he will not be able to help comparing his wife to his past sexual partners. What if the woman you fall in love with is not as physically attractive as some of the other girls you have had sexual experiences with? You won’t be able to help but compare! As Theodore Roosevelt once put it, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” No body stays pristine forever, especially after a woman goes through multiple pregnancies.

If you have an expectation that your wife will have the body and sex drive of a porn star, then you have unrealistic expectations that will only leave you feeling unsatisfied and disappointed. No woman can live up to the fictitious standard that the pornography industry perpetrates as reality, just like no man can live up to the heart throbs in a trashy romance novel (a women’s version of pornography). If you think that you can sleep around or watch pornography without it effecting your future relationships, you will be sadly disappointed, my friend.

2. Less sexual satisfaction:

Glenn T. Stanton reported these findings: “According the groundbreaking and widely respected National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) conducted through the University of Chicago, marriage and the highest levels of sexual satisfaction are closely intertwined. The most sexually satisfied people – both physically and emotionally – are the faithfully married who came to marriage as virgins.” (1)

The same is true when it comes to pornography and masturbation: the more pornography guys expose themselves to, the lower their sexual satisfaction. Luke Gilkerson reported the following: “Pornography gives the brain an unnatural high. In a recent TEDx talk (2), physiology teacher Gary Wilson explained that when men look at porn, they experience surge after surge of dopamine in the brain. The brain eventually fatigues, stopping the production of dopamine, leaving the viewer wanting more but unable to reach a level of satisfaction. As a result, everyday pleasures stop causing excitement and the viewer seeks out more novel, more intense pornography to get the same high as before. This imbalance in the brain leads to many problems: impotence with your spouse, frequent masturbation with very little satisfaction, anxiety, fatigue, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, and escalating tastes for more bizarre or novel porn.” (3)

Why is this? Imagine that you had never had a bite of sugar until you were in your twenties. What do you think that first bite would taste like to you? It would be out of this world! Well, sex is similar. If you have exposed your mind and body to sexual contact and sexual images before your wedding night, how exciting do you think it will really be when you get to experience your wife for the first time? It may feel like same-old, same-old. However, if you have kept your mind and body free from sexual experiences before marriage it will feel like Christmas morning.

Guys, you have a sex drive. That’s just a fact. For some it may be stronger than others, but once you hit puberty, it’s there. Let me clue you in on something that society doesn’t want you to know: once you have sex for the first time, you will crave it. It’s just like the sugar. Would you crave sugar before you ever tasted it? No, you wouldn’t know what you were missing! Will you crave it after? You betcha!! Although it can be hard to resist sex when you’re a virgin, it is not nearly as hard as it will be after you have experienced sex. You’re doing yourself a favor by waiting!

3. Guys who go for “easy” girls will get stuck in a bad relationship quicker than a mouse in a sticky trap.

Guys tend to stay with girls who are giving them easy sex whether or not they are in love with the girl. He may not really even like her, but she’s giving him something that he really wants: sex. After a while, it simply becomes habit, and he stays with her, because that’s just his life now. You’ve seen it: the guy who ends up with a girl who he is ashamed to have on his arm, who he bickers with constantly.

A guy in this scenario will probably not be happy at home and will be tempted to: stay long hours at work, start hobbies that keep him away from home, will gravitate toward relationships with other women, and ends up either having an affair or getting divorced (which will probably break him financially). This all happened because he decided to be with an “easy” girl who he could get sex from whenever he wanted, rather than sticking to his standards and waiting for the girl of his dreams.

4. You’ll be happier if you wait.

Ben Shapiro reported these statistics: “71 percent of men who reported one lifetime sexual partner reported being “very happy” in their marriages; just 60 percent of men with five lifetime sexual partners reported such happiness. Overall, the biggest dip for both men and women occurred beyond one lifetime sexual partner.” (4)

If you have been one with someone before and are torn apart, you will inevitably have scars and jagged edges. The pieces of your heart that have to offer your spouse will be broken and torn, and nothing like the precious gift that you would have been able to give to her had you kept yourself pure.

5. Babies happen:

Let’s face it: sex was intended by God to be the way to make babies. He gave us pleasure in doing so, but the whole point of it is to make babies. You may think that you have all of your bases covered, but unplanned pregnancies happen every day. Here are just a few of the ways that unexpected pregnancies occur:

Real life studies show that every year, 18 out of 100 couples get pregnant while using male condoms. (5)
Real life studies show that every year, 9 out of 100 couples get pregnant while on the pill. (5)
- Guys, you are relying on someone else to be responsible every day, trusting that she won’t accidentally miss a pill. How often do you forget to take your vitamins? It’s not hard to find a woman who became a mother because she simply didn’t take her pills on time.
Some women will use pregnancy as a way to trap a guy in an already failing relationship.
- They may say they are pregnant when they’re not (and if you’ve had sex with them, you may not be able to easily refute their lie.)
- They may not take their birth control pills on purpose, or sabotage other forms of birth control in order to get pregnant “accidentally”.

If you want the best for your future, and the happiest marriage you can have, then hold off. Wait for the right woman to come along, and then marry her! You don’t want to trap yourself in a bad relationship with a woman you know you don’t love.

6. You’re going to pay for it.

Guys, if you make a baby, it is your moral responsibility to provide for that baby, regardless of whether or not you marry the mother. Even if you don’t marry the mother of your child, you will most likely be required by the law to provide child support until the child turns 18.

Do you really want to risk a lifetime of being tied to this person legally, financially, and emotionally simply because you wanted a few minutes of physical pleasure? Trust me, guys, it’s not worth it!

7. Abortion won’t fix your problems

Many guys will encourage their girlfriends to get an abortion when an unexpected pregnancy occurs, or will simply not argue with their girlfriend when she suggests that she get an abortion as a way out of their troubles. Let me warn you right now: ending the life of your unborn child will haunt you for the rest of your days. Having an unplanned pregnancy is indeed troubling, and it will have long-lasting consequences. However, this kind of an act is one that will scar you for life. You will have to stand before your Maker one day and explain to Him why you killed the precious child that He gave to you.

It’s better to simply wait to have sex until you are married, or deal with the consequences of having a child out-of-wedlock, than to sacrifice your morals and integrity for a “quick fix”.

I would have loved to have made this article 10X longer. There are several issues that I simply didn’t have time to discuss, such as STD’s., co-habitation, and in depth birth control statistics. I will take time to go into these in my book, but I couldn’t do it justice in an article without turning it into an online chapter 🙂

My husband, Timothy King, has a hand in everything that I write, but in this particular article, he was definitely a co-author. He helped with research, writing, editing, and most importantly providing the male perspective. Thanks so much, Tim! I would never have had the courage to write half of what I write without you! You’re the best!

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1 thought on “Why Sex Before Marriage Is So Destructive for Guys”

Foxe says:

March 20, 2020 at 9:45 am

I love this article. Thank you for those educative words.its something that my school has talked to us about and I have found that what is stated here holds true after an up and down year.

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