How to Keep Your Kids from Developing an Entitled Attitude

How do you fight the beast of materialism when everything around you is materialistic propaganda!  The TV declares, “You deserve this!” and “You’re worth it!” Is it any wonder that our kids can begin to have an entitled attitude?

Here are a few of my tips and tricks to combat the materialism monster and help to stave off entitled attitudes:

1. Teach them the difference between needs and wants.

When they are consistently running out of underwear and socks, that’s a need.  When they already have five sweatshirts and they want another one, that’s a want.  If they are willing to spend their own money on a want, that’s fine, but to expect it to be purchased for them by their parents immediately is not appropriate. 

2. Set an age-appropriate budget for Christmas spending  

It’s a good idea for your kids to know how much you intend to spend for Christmas and birthdays, so they know what is appropriate to ask for.  I have found this to be extremely helpful because it teaches your kids the value of a dollar.  What each family decides the budget will be will vary based upon income, stage of life, and the number of kids. We have five children, so we have to be careful not to overspend at Christmas time.

When a child asks for a $40 toy, I tell them, “Oh, that’s a pretty expensive toy. Do you really want me to use up that much of your Christmas money on that one item? I could probably buy you _____(3 Barbie dolls) (20 matchbox cars) (a box of dress-up clothes) or (a set of books from your favorite series) for the same price.” Almost inevitably, they will say, “Oh!  Yeah, I think I want ______ instead!” 

Whatever example you use, relate it to something that they are really into. If they really would prefer the more expensive item, then they should know that they probably won’t get many other presents.  If they are truly okay with that, then that’s fine. 

If they want an item that is above budget, then you can offer to spend a set amount toward the item, but the child will be responsible for the remainder of the cost if they truly want the item.  This will probably mean that they will have to save up for it, which is a good life-lesson to learn!

3. Make a Universal Wish List on Amazon or use a Wish List app. 

We have found this to be super helpful in more than one way.  

• It helps grandparents with their shopping, because they know that if something is on the Wish List, then the child will definitely like it!  In our family, the grandparents are more likely to buy the higher priced items, because they aren’t worried about a sparse pile under the Christmas tree. They can simply purchase one or two items and be done!
• When kids put items on their list, they get to see how much the item actually costs, and will learn to be more discerning about what they ask for (especially if they know what the budget is!) When they see a commercial on TV, often times the price isn’t mentioned, so they have no concept as to how pricey the item actually is. However, when they look at all of the options online, they can see that there might be a name brand pair of headphones for $250 that are probably fabulous, but there are also some really great ones for $50 too!
• It teaches the child to wait for what they want.  Sometimes their items will be purchased and sometimes not.  This is important for adults to learn too!  When it’s not a “need” but is simply a “want”, then it’s important to wait and not buy it impulsively.  I know that I have had items on my wish list that were not purchased for years, and that’s okay.  It’s just an extra little luxury, and I don’t need it… I just want it.

4. Give your kids perspective, by exposing them to what real need looks like.

Whether it’s going on a mission’s trip to a third-world country, working at a local soup kitchen, homeless shelter, food pantry, or orphanage-they need to know how deeply blessed they truly are. Many people are thankful if they are eating regularly, never mind having any small luxuries.  Pack-A-Shoebox is also another great way of teaching them about how grateful a needy child can be for simple things like toothpaste and lip balm. 

5. Purge the excess stuff: 

At least once a year, take time to go through all the toys.  We try to do this before going into the holiday season, because it helps to give the child perspective about how much stuff they really have.  Dump every single toy basket in the house into one large pile and help the kids sort the items into four categories: 

• Broken toys that need to go into the garbage
• Donation pile
• Maybe pile
• Keepers pile

This can be a tough process that will take several hours, and there can be many disagreements.  Put on some fun music, have some snacks nearby, and try to keep the attitude cheerful. Teach the kids to ask themselves the following questions:

• Is this an item that is particularly special to me, or is it just so-so?
• How often do I really play with this?
• Is it worth it to keep a ho-hum toy if it means that I can’t find the ones that are truly special to me?
• Would another child whose family doesn’t have much money to buy toys appreciate this a lot more than I do?

One of the ways that we solve disagreements as to whether or not to keep an item, is that the child whose age the toy is appropriate for gets the higher vote.  If you can’t come to an agreement, then stick it in the “Maybe” pile and come back to it at the end.  

Size matters.  Larger toys like a huge teddy bear should be considered more critically than a tiny palm size doll. After all, you can probably keep 25 small toys in the same space in which the one large toy takes up. 

We always say, if we can’t fit the toys into the baskets, then we need to go back and reevaluate the “Maybe” pile.  We tend to keep one toy basket in each child’s bedroom, as well as one in every common room.  It’s usually about 7-8 baskets, so you can fit a large number of toys in them! 

One of my organizational tips is to get a shelving unit that can fit the cube-shaped boxes in them, and stick it in a closet.  Use the boxes to help organize the toys.  For instance, I have one for the dolls, one for doll clothes, and one for the furniture that goes into the doll house.  They are also handy for storing Legos or blocks. 

Thankfulness and gratitude are the antidotes to jealousy, discontent, and entitlement. It may take having to say, “What would the children in the orphanage think if they heard your attitude right now?” However, it’s not just our kids, but we too can get a case of the gimmies every once in a while, and need some perspective to adjust our thinking. Turning our hearts to the Lord and thanking Him for all of the wonderful blessings that He gives us everyday, will help us to remember how deeply and abundantly blessed we already are!