How to Get Your Kids to Do Chores

Maintaining a tidy household with children in it is one of the most tedious jobs for parents. As my husband has been working from home recently, he has commented that he feels like he’s living in the movie “Groundhog Day”. Each day your doing the same dishes, the same laundry, sweeping the same floor with the same Cheerios scattered across it. Because we homeschool our five daughters, we have had to come to realize that if we don’t train our children to do chores, our entire existence will be eaten up with simply trying to run a tidy household. I’m sure you all know the feeling!

Many moms feel guilty when they ask their children to do chores because they worry that it will be perceived that they are pawning off their responsibilities on their children.  When I approach parenting, I always try to keep in mind the long-term goals.  When Mommy and Daddy do everything, it teaches kids to have a world-view that life is all about their comfort, and that the world is going to be laid out on a silver platter for them.  It’s this kind of entitled attitude that has so many young adults floundering in life.  Many have not been taught to work hard at whatever they do, or coached on how to be financially responsible and independent. 

“As a parent, you need to always be preparing your child for the next level in life.”  ~Dr. Philip C. McGraw

Before they can become fully functioning adults, they need to learn life skills such as: cleaning and maintaining a home, being a good cook, and having a strong work ethic.  They shouldn’t count on having a husband or wife to do these things for them, because life is uncertain.  They might not meet the person who is right for them until much later in life, and you don’t want to be cooking for your son when he’s 28.  Girls need to know how to change a tire, and guys need to know how to cook!  You don’t want to wait until they are in high school to cram this kind of training in.  High schoolers get very busy with homework and sports, and they may not be around much to be trained!  This type of training needs to start as soon as they are physically able so that not only will their bodies be trained, but the hearts and minds will be trained as well.

In the real world, if you want someone to serve you, you have to pay them.  If you can’t keep your house clean, you either live with the mess, or pay a maid to come in and clean up after you…and it’s not cheap!  In the real world, if you don’t work hard, then you will not make a good income.  It’s so important to teach your children that you have to be a good worker in life.  I will quite frequently tell my children “Don’t ask me to do things for you that you can do for yourself.”  You’re not your child’s servant, and to teach them otherwise is to sabotage their chances for having a successful, productive life.

Hands-on Training

Now that we know why it’s so important to train children, let’s get into the how.  I’ve written a follow-up article with a list of chores and the ages that they are appropriate for which you can read about here. The method that I use to train my children is a four-step process.

1. Be hands on.  Show the child how to do the chore, explaining each step as you go.  For complicated chores, it might be helpful to have written out instruction that they will be able to consult.  
2. Have them join in, and help you do the chore. 
3. The child does the chore, while you are available for consultation, but only give verbal instruction without giving hands-on assistance.
4. The child does the chore independently, and you do a victory dance in the background!

 One important thing to note in this process, is to always shower the child with praise.  Don’t expect perfection, especially with younger children.  Don’t be nit picky or demoralize them if they miss a spot.  Think of it this way:  if they only do something 80% right, that’s 80% that you didn’t have to do!  However, it is your job to teach them to do a good job and to not be sloppy.  Be gentle when you do this by saying something like, “Next time, would you be a big sweetie and try to not drop the crumbs on the floor when you wipe off the table? Thanks so much!  You’re such a good little worker!” 

Sometimes, kids will purposefully do things badly just to discourage you from asking them to do their chores.  This can be especially discouraging because at this stage in their training, it really is faster for you to do it yourself.  Let me encourage you not to give in at this point.  The time you put into the training will be well worth it!  Take it from a mom who now has kids who do about 75% of the household cleaning at ages 16, 14, and 11.  I also had my 5-year-old ask if she could be given a chore to do, because she’s a big girl now too! 

Make sure that you have a consequence that you will enforce if you get push back, bad attitudes or purposeful sloppiness.  Some possible consequences could be: they have to go back and do the chore all over again, no screen time for that day, a deduction in their allowance (if giving an allowance is something that you do), or an extra chore that is particularly abhorrent to them.  Some possible punishments might be: cleaning out the toilets, wiping down the showers, scrubbing the stickies off the floor under the baby’s high chair, or emptying the diaper pail.  I’m a big ol’ meanie and would assign them “Chicken Coop Poop Scoop Duty”… (or should it be spelled “Doodie”!)  Whatever consequences you give, be consistent.  Kids treat getting away with bad behavior like it’s winning the lottery.  If they “win” once, they will keep scratching those tickets, expecting to win again.

When children do their chores may vary based upon how the family functions.  For instance, I homeschool my girls, and they are often sleepy first thing in the morning.  Doing chores right after breakfast helps them to get moving and wake up before starting school.  However, if your children attend school outside of the home, then chores after school is probably more appropriate.  If they are tired when the get home from school, you may want to allow them to have a snack and a small break before they do their chores.  One way of keeping them on track is to enforce a rule that, “You’re not allowed to do _____ until your chores are done.”  It could be screen time, or playing with their friends that they are not allowed to do.  Choose their favorite activity, and don’t allow them to do it until their chore is completed.

Many people like coming up with a weekly chore list, and that can be a great way to go.  Make a list of the chores that need to be done on a weekly basis, and have the kids divvy up the chores themselves, and then plug them into a weekly calendar.  I prefer a looser approach, because I like the freedom to be able to assign specific chores on an “as needed” basis.  I will simply tell them, “Your chore for today is going to be ____”, or they will come up and ask me “Mom, what’s my chore for today?”  Some families will add dishes duty as well as a regular daily chore, and that’s great too, as long as the kids have enough time for it.

Want more? Click here to read part 2: “How to Assign Age-Appropriate Chores“