Top 10 Things to Do When You Have a Crush

Having a crush on someone is one of the most exciting feelings in the world.  Your heart soars to heights you never knew existed, and your mind dances into the future.  You ask yourself what it would be like to be married to this person, where would you live, what your careers might be, what your house might look like, and how many kids you would have together.  This person may never have said more than “Hey, how’s it going?” as they passed you in the hall, but your heart is twitterpated nonetheless.  What do you do with those feelings?  How do you behave moving forward? 

Here is my step-by-step guide to managing your romantic feelings:

1. Be a smart shopper, and know what you’re looking for. 

Have you ever taken time to think about what personality type and character traits are important for you to have in a future spouse?  To not do so is like going to the grocery store without a list when you’re hungry.  What are you going to fill your cart with?  A bunch of junk food, not what you actually need. Take time to develop a list of character traits that are important for your future spouse to possess.  (Note: The goal is not for you to find a perfect person, but a perfect-for-you person.)  What character traits are deal-breakers for you?  For instance, some of the traits that would have been deal-breakers for me would have been: if he had a hot temper, was moody, or was not careful with his money.

2. Become very observant

Just because you are initially attracted to someone, doesn’t mean that they deserve your affection.  That has to be earned!  Take note of how they treat others, especially their family.  Girls: is he sarcastic and rude to his mom or sister?  You can be sure he will eventually treat you the same way.  Guys: does she treat her dad, brother, or other guys like they’re bumbling idiots who don’t do anything right, or does she treat guys respectfully?  A woman who has a sour attitude toward men will make her guy miserable! 

3. Talk to the person!  

You won’t know if they are a good match for you if you don’t ask them about themselves!  Be careful not to major in the minors.  It’s nice to cheer for the same sport’s teams, but is that really what is going to make you happy in a relationship?  Instead, pay attention to their morals, how their faith plays out in their everyday life, their personality type, hobbies, family background, and future goals.  The more things you have in common, the easier it will be to get along. 

4. Be a critical thinker. 

This doesn’t mean that you have a jaded, cynical heart.  It means that you make sure that you have an accurate view of who the person truly is, not who you want them to be.  Pay special attention to how they behave when they are tired, sick, upset, or when things go wrong.  It’s easy for someone to put their best foot forward on a date, but it’s not until things go badly that you will catch a glimpse of who they really are deep down. 

5. Keep it cool. Don’t become obsessed or creepy.

There’s a big difference between being intentional about getting to know someone and stalking.  Try to get to know the person in a natural way.  However, don’t force your attention on the person if they give you signs that they really don’t appreciate it.

6. Watch for signs that the person may be interested in you too. 

If the person doesn’t know that you exist, then daydreaming about how great you’ll be together someday is not appropriate!  Wait to see if they care for you before giving your heart away.  The person may indeed be deserving of affection, but if the feelings aren’t returned, you may be giving your heart away to someone who doesn’t want it! 

7. Ask your family and friends about their impression of the person. 

Despite popular belief, your family is the best dating tool that you have.  They know who you are deep down, and will often know instinctively who will be a good match for you.  I once told my brother that I liked a guy, and he exclaimed “That guy?! I don’t even like him.  He might be a charmer with the ladies, but boy is he an arrogant know-it-all!”  He was right.  That guy would have made me miserable if I had ever married him!  If your family disapproves of someone, listen up, and take them seriously.  To not do so is to shoot yourself in the foot!  Pay attention to what your closest friends think as well.  Guys hear what other guys say in the locker room when girls aren’t around, and girls hear the backbiting and gossiping that other girls whisper when guys aren’t around. 

8. Don’t be so shallow that you only pay attention to how someone looks.  

If the relationship is based upon attraction that only goes skin deep, then you can expect a shallow relationship.  Beautiful people can be some of the ugliest people in the world.  The girl who is so gorgeous, but tries to manipulate others with her emotions when she doesn’t get her way.  The athletic guy who gets cut-off in traffic and flies into a fit of rage.  You would be surprised how unattractive the most beautiful people on Earth can be.  Attraction is important, but don’t let it over-shadow bad character traits.  A person who might not seem attractive to you initially, may become very attractive indeed once you give their character a chance to shine through!  Beauty only lasts so long.  Make sure that the person you choose to spend your life with is someone who appeals to your heart not just your eyes. 

9. Keep an open mind.

Many teens treat their crush like it is an engagement.  They feel that to change who they like is the same thing as being “unfaithful”.  Let me tell you a little secret… you’re allowed to be interested in more than one person at the same time!  I used to keep a mental list of guys who I was interested in, and it was very fluid!  If I noticed that a guy had a character trait that was a deal-breaker for me, then I would tell myself, “Oh, that guy is totally OFF the list!”  That’s a good thing.  It means that you’re being discerning!

10. Have a high standard for who you will date. 

People will generate the results in life that they think they deserve.  If the only criteria you have for whether or not you will date someone is that the person has to like you, then you probably are going to end up with a ho-hum relationship.

One of the most helpful revelations I had in my dating years was this:  I needed to be the woman that the type of man that I would like to date would be looking for.  From the guys perspective: Be the man that the type of woman you are looking for would be drawn to. I needed to have a high standard for how I would behave. That meant that I shouldn’t be off getting drunk in a bar on Saturday night, but would, instead, be in church on Sunday morning.  If I wanted a guy who was put together and attractive, then I should do the very best I could with my own physical appearance.  I needed to take time to be clean, tidy, and attractive before I head out the door, not frumpy, sloppy, and unkempt.  Remember that having high standards for yourself is just as important as having high standards for who you will date.