How to Get a Girl’s Attention… and KEEP it!

What do girls want, anyway?! It’s the big question that has men everywhere baffled. Today, I’m going to help you solve this mystery, and tell you the unvarnished truth about how we women want to be treated.

1. Be intentional about pursuing her.

Any man who’s ever tried to woo a woman knows the thrill of how it feels to work hard and win her heart.  Nothing compares to this! However, there’s been a trend among guys to be passive and wait for the girl to take the initiative.  Where’s the sense of accomplishment and pride in that?  Guys, it’s time to step up to the plate and decide to be bold!

Make a point to talk to her.  Ask her out for coffee, and tell her that you’d really like to get to know her better.  Be the one to ask her out before someone else does.  Yes, you are risking rejection by tipping your hand and showing her that you’re interested, but if you want to be the leader, then it’s par for the course.  The guy who doesn’t take the risk doesn’t get the girl. 

2. Plan the date, and be creative!

What you do on a date should be a reflection of who you are and what you enjoy.  It’s totally okay to think outside of the box when dreaming up activities for a date.  Get to know the girl by asking what her hobbies are, and try to do something that you think you’d both enjoy. 

• Outdoorsy dates: take a walk on the beach, go rock climbing, canoeing, paddleboarding, hiking, or skiing. 
• Sporty dates: roller skating, ice skating, bowling, or ride bikes on a bike path
• Adventurous dates: go to a theme park and ride the fastest roller coaster, or explore a national park. You can even pack a picnic and find a beautiful spot to enjoy the food and scenery. 
• “On the town” dates: Go to a play, a good movie, a sporting event, a museum, a zoo, out for coffee or ice cream, to a nice restaurant, take her dancing, on a bay or river cruise, or simply walk around the city and do some window shopping. 

Whatever activity you choose, be creative and don’t fall into the “same old” rut.  

3. Be chivalrous:

Unless a woman is a hard-core feminist, they love it when a guy is chivalrous to them.  Girls are thrilled when a guy opens the door to a building, takes time to open and close her car door for her, or takes heavy burdens out of her arms.  They also appreciate it when a guy is protective (not controlling!) of her and walks with her to make sure that she gets to her car, her class, or her home safely.  A guy isn’t saying that a girl is weak by doing these things, but is instead showing his affection by taking care of her even if it’s in a small way.  

A girl who has a sour attitude toward men and gets mad about courteous behavior is a girl who will make you miserable.  If you get scolded for being chivalrous, just know in your heart that the problem lies with her attitude, not yours.  You keep doing what is right regardless of what is politically correct.  The rest of us girls will thank you and admire you for it!

4. Pay for everything on the date:

Guys, if you ask a girl on a date, you should insist on paying for everything associated with the event.  Girls need to know that a guy will care for them: emotionally, physically and yes, even financially. 

It is important for women to know that a guy will do his utmost to provide for his wife and children, and earning money is all part of that.  If a guy is unwilling to pay for a simple meal, what does that say about how he will behave in the future?  Now, when you’re a college student and finances are tight, that’s understandable.  However, that just means that you choose an activity that doesn’t cost much or is free altogether, like going for a walk, a hike, to a lake or a beach, etc. 

Also, don’t go overboard with expensive gifts or over-the-top-dates.  It may cause her to think that you’re either really careless with your money, or that you’re trying to buy her affection and there are strings attached.  If you do decide to be generous with her on a date, you should never think that this gives you rights to her, especially physically. 

5. Be sweet to her.

In Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” he discusses five main ways of expressing affection toward someone that you care about.  Put these into practice to let a girl know that you care.

• Words of affirmation (compliments and praises): Compliment her in all aspects of her life.  That she’s attractive, smart, witty, has a great sense of humor, etc.  Be creative, and compliment her frequently! 
• Gifts: Flowers, chocolates, or jewelry (it doesn’t need to be expensive!)  I even had a guy buy me a jar of my favorite olives.  I loved it!  Don’t be afraid to be creative! 
• Acts of service (physically doing something for someone else to help them out): Wash her car for her, change the oil on her car, or help her with her chores.
• Quality time (spending intentional time together): Play games, go for walks, go out on dates, or snuggle with her while watching a movie. 
• Physical touch: a pat on the back, an arm around the shoulders, holding her hand, or a hug.  A word of caution: Be sure not to go too far too fast physically.  Once you escalate things, it’s nearly impossible to back-track!  If the behavior is something that you’d be embarrassed for your parents to see you doing, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it! 

Pay attention to which of these love languages speaks to her the most and put more of your energy into expressing your affection towards her in that way.

6. Don’t be the type of guy who belittles women in order to make himself appear superior.

You can tell when a person feels inferior because they will do the following: try to belittle others in order to make themselves seem superior. They may also exaggerate their accomplishments in order to puff themselves up.  Dr. Phil calls this behavior “leveling” because the person is trying to level the playing field. 

I can’t tell you how many guys I have known who would purposefully try to tear me down because they felt inferior.  Would you really want a girl to date you because she feels downtrodden and like she can’t do any better, or would you rather she feels like you’re pursuing her because she’s a prize worth winning?  

Be the type of guy who is comfortable enough in his own skin to praise a girl genuinely when she deserves it.  You don’t have to feel like it’s a blow to your self-esteem if she does something admirable – you do admirable things too!  Nothing is more of a turn-off for a girl than a guy who is constantly condescending and never compliments her. 

7. Work hard at whatever you put your hand to.

If you don’t feel worthy, then maybe you should become worthy.  Don’t just play games that leave you feeling accomplished… accomplish something in real life!  Get a job (any job!) that will give you some money and life skills.  Work hard at your school so that you earn good grades.  Build relationships with others by investing your time and energy in being in relation with them.  Build something with your own two hands that you can be proud of whether it’s landscaping, a rock wall, a wood-working project, or fixing up a car. 

Make a plan for your future that you can work toward.  It doesn’t have to be prestigious for you to be earning an honest living that you can be proud of.  To have no plan whatsoever as to how you intend to earn a living in the future is something that will and should be very disconcerting to a girl. She needs to be able to respect her man, and it’s hard to respect someone who has no motivation or direction in life.

If you want to be respected, live respectably.  If you want others to be proud of you, then behave in a way that that you’re proud of yourself.  If you behave admirably, you will attract admiration.